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Banging my head against the wall

To dance is to live

Thoughts Posted on Mon, August 12, 2019 14:31:58

I had a really nice day last Saturday and I also got a new insight.

First, I met up with two good friends at a coffee shop, we talked for a couple of hours.

This two women are very special and important to me. I’ve known them for quite some years now and we are all three into personal, emotional and spiritual evolution and development. We exchange ideas and experiences and we feel relaxed in each other’s company. The three of us live very different lives from one another, yet we have so many things in common.

After having deep, meaningful conversation with these two beautiful friends it was time for me to go. I had a birthday celebration to attend to. One of my coworkers turned 40 the other day and was throwing a Rastafari (Caribbean if you prefer) inspired party!!

The party was great!

The food was a Caribbean inspired buffet. Salmon with coconut, spicy chicken skewers, melon salad, mango salsa, fruit skewers, rice with corn and edamam, halloumi and a delicious lime salsa.

Afterwards we had coffee, brownies and coconut ice cream with ripples of passionfruit.

It was very exquisite, all of it.

But what I actually looked forward to the most, was the dance. Because, surely there’ll be dancing. There’s always dancing’s at parties, right?

We had some fun and games while having coffee and dessert. I “won” the game I participated in and it was all fun.

What I want to get down to with this post is the dancing.

I love to dance and you who have read my earlier posts know a little about me and music. Music and dancing go hand in hand, to me. I can rarely sit still when I hear a good song or tune.

And it turns out that dancing does something to me.

I posted a lot of selfies during the evening and I got a comment from a very dear friend of mine in Canada. She wrote:

“WOW you get younger looking every time I see you….must be the dancing”

And then it hit me! (No, it wasn’t painful, haha)

I think she’s on to something. I think she’s spot on! I think she’s right!

I looked at the pic she commented on and I could actually see the joy manifested in my face. I looked somehow a little bit different. It was not the light, nor the fact that I was all sweaty. It was something in the essence of me that was lighter, brighter. I don’t have the exact words to describe it, but I could see the difference.

So there and then I decided never to give up dancing. To dance whenever and wherever I am. Because for me, is life giving. I become more alive when I dance. And I feel happy when I dance. When I dance I am in touch with Source, I vibrate higher, I am free, I am ONE with everything.

I’m not going to start taking dance lessons or anything of the sort, but instead I’m going to take every single chance I get, to dance. Because I love my life and I want to celebrate being and feeling alive. And my way to do that, you see, is by dancing.



Latest news

Thoughts Posted on Thu, August 01, 2019 19:39:55

It’s been a while now! Right?
Life. That’s what’s happened. Life.

So, I’m in very much need to do this. Write about the things that give me headaches, write so that I don’t bang my head against the wall.

I’m not going to give you an update right now. I’m just going to write some thoughts and revelations I’ve had lately.

I’ve had a mayor wake up this spring/summer.
I always knew I was kinda “fucked up” in so many ways and so many levels, but what I came to realise this year, was not exactly unexpected, although it blew me away anyway.

Love

Yes, LOVE

You would think that love is love, right? Well, yes. In a way it is. But everybody has one’s own definition of it.
I have coming to the insight that I grew up with conditional love. A lot.

“Do this, to show me you love me”, “If you don’t —————(insert words of your own choice), well then it means you don’t love me like you say you do.” At some point in my life I would even ask: “What can I do to prove to you that I love you?”
Yes, I’ve spoken those same words myself. And when I started to understand that that was wrong I simply thought it to myself instead, every time I didn’t “get my way”.

And you know what? That is just so wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Fucked up!
Not just to the people who love me and care for me, but wrong for myself too. I kept this horrendous idea alive through so many years!
I’ve wasted precious time. I conditioned, when instead I should have allowed.

The worst part is that I realised this a few years ago and even talked about it with a friend of mine. I had just began to grasp the matter. I talked about writing down my own “definitions” of what I called and believed to be true love, then analysing them to see if my definitions were true and if not start to “reprogram” my beliefs. Cause I knew I had some of it backwards. But then, I didn’t. I even bought a special book to write in, for when inspiration or revelations showed up. But nah. I never got round to it. I regret that very much today. Very, very much.
I could have spared someone I love deeply, a lot of pain. I could just have loved them, for who they are and not for what I supposed or thought they would/should be.

We read, we speak of unconditional love, but honestly, how many of us practices it for real? Do you?



Update

Thoughts Posted on Sun, April 24, 2016 00:36:47



Time flies…………

Thoughts Posted on Tue, September 17, 2013 11:47:48

Wooooohooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

What a year!!!!!!!!!

Just realized, it’s been a whole year since I last posted here! smiley
And WHAT a year it’s been!!!

I am soon a divorced woman…..but in a relationship with my soon-to-be ex-husband. smiley
Yeah! I had lots of epiphanies during this summer and beginning of fall………..

One was, that I still love Ulf but I can’t live with him……..yet……maybe in the future….maybe never…..but for now we’ll be living in separate homes. The girls have come to appreciate the divided time and are quite “down” to it now…..*phew*

I have worked all summer, still working part time, at the front desk of Hotel Gute here in Visby. I love my work!!! The best place to work!
The guests are new adventures for every new “meet” smiley Such variety of people!
My colleagues are beautiful, wonderful women in various ages and from different parts of the world and different paths of life. But all very lovely and gorgeous gals! smiley
I appreciate our differences and our likenesses, I learn a lot from them and I hope they feel I’m helpful towards them. It’s been an amazing journey……from the loss of my Dad ’till where I stand today.

It’s been an interesting, learning experience, this summer!

I have reinvented myself and retrieved my former self……I look back and I see all the steps I’ve taken, by my own and with help from others……and I’m fascinated with how far I’ve come…….I have found my core and my strength……I’M BACK!!!

I say thanks to Hansa Utbildning, for believing in me when I didn’t
I’m grateful for finding my soulsister Jessica there
I love to have found friends and beautiful souls like André, Dennis & Elin there
I appreciate the good work of Maud, Peter2meter, Pär, Peter F and all of the other tutors/mentors, that I have relied on there
I am glad to have learned to know Inga-Maj, one of the most unselfish and caring souls there

I have found the way I want to live my life! With joy! Through joy! Feeling joy! Inspiring joy! Inspired by joy! And allowing! Allowing myself to be where I am right now! Allowing myself to feel the way I do! Allowing myself to be who I am!
The feeling of joy combined with allowing is one of the most powerful feelings in my life right now. The well-being that follows is amazing!

Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy! <3

So here’s to another amazing commencing year, filled with JOY, HAPPINESS, FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, ALLOWING AND WELL-BEING!!!



In your eyes

Thoughts Posted on Tue, September 11, 2012 20:18:42

I can still feel your embrace

Your warmth surrounds me although you’re not here anymore

In your eyes I can see the endlessness of the Universe

In them I want to loose myself

Float,

weightless and embraced

I have lost all wit and sense

Take me into your arms again

still my wonders with a kiss



Come dance a whirling dance

Thoughts Posted on Tue, September 11, 2012 20:16:58

If I hadn’t met you

I would have been in peace

Now the fever burns in my body

out of lust for you

Come tame that flame

you lit in me

Come see desire in my eyes

and abandone yourself

Come dance a whirling dance

let the frenzy sway your steps

Come into my arms

and rest there

calm and cherished



Kom dansa en virvlande dans

Den svenska delen Posted on Mon, September 10, 2012 18:47:12

Om jag inte mött dig

hade jag varit tillfreds

Nu brinner febern i min kropp

av lust till dig

Kom tämj den lågan

du antänt i mig

Kom se längtan i mina ögon

och ge dig hän

Kom dansa en virvlande dans

och låt yran styra din steg

Kom i min famn

och vila därvid

stilla och omhuldad



I dina ögon

Den svenska delen Posted on Mon, September 10, 2012 18:44:10

Jag kan ännu känna din omfamning

Din värme omsluter mig fast du inte längre är hos mig

I dina ögon ser jag Universums oändlighet

I de vill jag förlora mig

Sväva,

viktlös och omfamnad

Jag har förlorat all vett och sans

Ta mig i din famn igen,

stilla min undran med en kyss



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